On Anger

Tonight I have felt anger in a way I’ve never felt it before. At first, I made a humorous tweet on it. I had likened it to my epic ragequit over Lords of Shadow, where I stopped the game, took it out of my PS3, packed it up, and just drove it to Gamestop to sell it back.

But it didn’t stop there. Things only got worse. Not only do I think think that I’ve lost any ability to respect someone who I once thought of as a highly-regarded friend as a result, but I find myself second guessing the stuff that has been done around me for months. I thought I got past doing that. I feel hurt and betrayed that this person would do such an awful thing in my view, and wonder if the same thing has been done to me from other… stuff that’s happened.

Nevertheless, I’ve cut off any form of contact for me with this person. I’ll leave it to them to make the next move- if they ever decide that they want to.

Now, I feel out of breath, as if I had run a marathon. My heart is pounding. My muscles are tense. I struck my keyboard with a fist at one point- which didn’t help at all. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. …but by now, I’m just tired. I’m sore- both emotionally and physically, and my eyes are still stinging from the tears, both from the rage, and abject horror at what transpired tonight.

Some things offset it at least, and have given me something to cheer about or look forward to. Absolute delight and happiness towards one of my best friends, and I loved the closing ceremonies of the Olympics… heck, this whole thing drove me to going to get a salad for dinner. What’s wrong with me? Am I becoming a rabbit or something?!

But for now, I need sleep. I need sleep and hope to wake up and maybe take on the day tomorrow with as best of an attitude as I can. I want to get this awful thing behind me. I don’t know how I will, but it will happen eventually, I imagine. Like I said before, I tend to not stay angry for long.

I hope that trend does not change with this.

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