I promise a more ‘gamer’-ish post soon, with the excitement towards Uncharted 2, Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood, and stuff about Zero no Kiseki… but at this time, my life has been full of ups and downs. Just recently, I had to travel out to my grandmother’s home to see my family after she passed away. She lived to 96. She had a good long, life. Even if we weren’t ready to let go.

I found a bit of a weird… ‘thing’ to me that I’ve been dealing with, and managed to pull it to the surface. Is it my own insecurities? Is it an ambition to try to get a better job? I don’t know. I really don’t. What I do know, however, is that I am in the process of some sort of change. I just can’t put my foot on with what it is.

So to go with this and my sheer animosity for my current work position, I have made a ‘pre new year resolution.’ I will have a job by the end of the month. In a perfect world, I’ll have a new job in two weeks, but I can understand that that may not be possible so close to the holiday season. Anyhow, I’ve had the feeling that something skitchy has been going on at my job of late, and I can’t put a finger on it.

As such, I decided that I’m going to get the hell out of dodge, so to speak. I don’t want to be there. Maybe my own insecurity is coming from my depression of this job and what I feel it’s doing to me. Maybe it’s already done too much damage to begin with. I don’t know, but it’s draining me. It’s eating away at what I am, and what I want to be.

I mean, I just graduated for goodness sakes! I shouldn’t be complacent to sit in the same place, where I’ve seen people hold the same position for over a decade! That’s the textbook definition of a dead end job. There’s no growth. No advancement. Just… there to be a puppet, earning the contract company another $3-$5/hr that you work. They’re probably reluctant to even give raises for the fact that you’re more valuable to them on as low of a wage as possible.

I don’t know. And this post has turned into a rant. But I really don’t have anywhere else I can go to catalog this information that’s hitting around in my head.

Games have, of late, been an escape for me… but they can only go so far. I’ve decided that it’s been a long time coming that I take a new step towards a new career. I don’t know what it’ll do with my involvement here or my hobbies… but I do know that once I’ve gone beyond what my current job has done to me, I’ll be a much better person than I am now.

Maybe it’ll even help my general ethic in online games and my own hard work? I think it’s for the best.

…on that note, I hope that’s one of the last times I dump my real life on you guys. Next time? I’ll probably actually finish the post I’ve been writing on and off for two months about Zero no Kiseki. Wow.